was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
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Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.