How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm experimenting with sincerity