Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.