Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...