I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.