Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
