I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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