Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
