I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
