last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
