He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
