I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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