no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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