Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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