Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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