The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
