using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
