Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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