Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
