He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
