you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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