I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
