just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
