You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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