It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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