So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
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He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
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Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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