She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
