would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
