He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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