I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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