Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
