Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
