We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
