i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
