im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
