I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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