porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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