So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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