Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
