Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
