I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
