Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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