I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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