Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
