I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
