Just fell off a train. Bad.
Jerry, you need to find god
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
