It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
