Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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