is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
