do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
