fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You work out of a Hotel?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
