i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
