Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute

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(810): View more from Michigan

I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...

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(813): View more from Florida

He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.

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(850): View more from Florida

I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused

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(313): View more from Michigan

His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!

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