hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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