I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
