loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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