Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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