i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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