I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
