If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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