Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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