....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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