her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
