so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
