I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm drive I can fine osifer
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
