guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
