I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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