My room smells like vodka and shame
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
zippers are such a cool invention
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
