speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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