butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
