he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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