she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
