how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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