Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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