Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
