just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I fill condoms, not promises.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
