the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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