remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Farmville is her only friend.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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