Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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