just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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