I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
